Landen has always been a daddy’s boy. He asks for daddy to do most fun stuff with him. And that’s what dads do best – build amazing lego castles and wrestle and watch superhero comics. Moms are boring – we cook, clean and do washing and a lot of the time, we moan about it and expect the family to notice.
I comforted myself with the fact that I saw Landen more. I dropped and fetched him at school and spent the afternoons with him before his dad came home. So I had that alone time with him, so when his dad came home at night, he got his undivided attention. So it was okay…right? But no…
Deep down, my heart was sore. I wanted to be the fun one. I wanted him to choose me. But reality is, I’m not as fun as daddy. And that is the honest truth.
I started implementing a Wednesday fun day after school – trying to be cool, more like daddy. So we could do fun stuff, like go for ice cream or go to play areas, the game arcade, the traffic lights. I even took him on a game drive once.
But he still chose his dad, every night. I felt rejected. So terribly used!
I thought things would change when Arden was born. Surely when Lan can’t have my attention, he would want it. When I can’t be on his beck and call, he would want to spend more time with me. He would choose me. That makes sense – he is going to want me, when he can’t have me. Ha!
To my surprise, that didn’t happen. He still only wanted his dad.
One Sunday morning before church, I was getting dressed. Landy was sad about something, so I called him to me and said I will give him a hug, because when people are sad, hugs make them feel better. He said NO! He said he wanted his dad!
I snapped! I screamed saying that he should go to his dad then! He looked at me blankly. He just walked away. I felt like an absolute dog. This little 3 year old, not thinking anything by it, wanted his dad. His most favorite person and here I am trying to convince him to like me more.
I needed alone time with the Lord. During worship that morning at church, God spoke to me.
“You reject me all the time Timann, yet I don’t hold it against you”
Come oooonnn, don’t you just love God’s wisdom and His brutal honesty? I reject HIM, ALL THE TIME!!!! Not a fun thing to hear, but enough to shake my self centered head out of my self pitied state of mind!
Just this morning, I rejected God. I wanted to pray for a lady’s baby – I knew I should have, yet I didn’t. REJECTION TOWARDS GOD!
So here I am, getting angry at a 3 year old who has no idea that he is hurting my feelings and in all honesty, he shouldn’t have to worry.
Landy loves me, he spends loads of time with me. We cook supper together every day. He runs to me every afternoon when I fetch him from school, sooooo delighted to see MY face. He tells me he misses me, and that I am the best mommy. He tells me often that I look sooo beautiful! That should be more than enough!
Our God is merciful to us everyday, as we reject Him constantly – should we not show the same mercy to our kids? I know I should learn to!
Until next time, be blessed mommies!